“What luck for the rulers that men do not think. Adolph Hitler”

Trump Plans to Nationalize Facebook / Twitter As Critical Infrastructure

President Trump, who has taken executive order to the level of fiat, is laying the groundwork to nationalize Facebook and Twitter as critical infrastructure. Based upon the concept that secure communication channels are imperative to national security concerns the president will issue a sweeping mandate in the coming weeks that permits the FCC to control a wide range of services as well as the bandwidths and airwaves that have typically been its purview. Trump’s advisers, chiefly Steve Bannon and FCC head Ajit Pai, suggested the initiative as a way to insure that communications between citizens and the government were not misconstrued.

Facebook and Twitter, having the lion’s share of the nation’s, if not the world’s population, as subscribers to their respective services, would be the first candidates for absorption. Further, the two companies have already implemented features to be used in times of emergencies that allow immediate announcements to their members, which could prove immensely valuable to all government agencies.

The companies would be nationalized under a shared exchange of responsibilities that would permit them to continue to generate profits for their shareholders while acting as government contractors.

Tough Times Call For Desperate Measures

Bryce Byrd – The Owl Pellet King!

The world is going to heck, depending upon who one listens to. Should things go south it’s important to have a backup plan, a trade to fall back on, a diversified income. The Yellow Press can help with that. Below are our entrepreneurial business ideas that require little in the way of capital investment and can bring in an income should your well paid tenure at the muffler shop peter out.

  •  Collect and sell owl pellets. People still wanna know what’s inside stuff. Owls are everywhere. Owl pellets are upchucks, not poop. Inside are lots of little bones and bits of things they ate. How cool is that? Find them under places where owls perch. Bake them in the oven for 40 minutes at 325 degrees to sterilize. Pack and ship. $.
  • Be a janitor. A janitor needs little in the way of tools to operate. Get rags, brooms, cleaners, mops and go to it. Practice at home. Work for friends, businesses, rich folks. Everyone likes a clean place. Think of the possibilities, working in a bank after hours. $.
  • Agriculture. Let nature do all the work. $.
  • Be a baker. Flour is an inexpensive commodity, add water let it sit around and in no time – sourdough starter. Weave your dough into fancy braids. The oven helps heat the house. Make cakes. Make pies. Make cookies. Make brownies. Everyone likes brownies. $.
  • Act as an artist. Art is in the eye of the beholder. Someone will like what you do. Dance and leave a hat upside down nearby. Strum and leave a baseball cap upside down with a dollar in it at your feet. Wail and hold your hand out. Scribble and starve. Sketch and scratch. $.
  • Get elected. Most places don’t even have a filing fee. Solicit businesses for tax deductible contributions. Promise anything. $.
  • Be a hit man. Garrotes can be improvised from shoelaces. Rocks and sticks can be found. Use the element of surprise, better weapons will come as your venture prospers. $.

When things go sour it doesn’t hurt to be prepared. A slab of cardboard sign isn’t a business plan.

New Viral Threat

Ugg Yellow Press
A new viral threat has been spotted globally that will have a significant effect on future generations. Uner Tan Syndrome causes mild to moderate debility among initial cases but poses greater hazards as it is passed from generation to generation through genetic adaptation. Currently aproximately half the US population is afflicted with the heretofore little known condition and incidences are increasing internationally, particularly in developed countries. Third world nations have conversely seen an opposite effect, the genetic disorder seems to be waning in those countries as education and social infrastucture improvements are made.

The disease has been little studied to date, its presence known but thought of as a benign condition with symptoms easily conflated with Tourette’s Syndrome due to the sufferer’s tendency to spontaneously voice improper language but absent the repetetive facial tics victims of Tourette’s exhibit. A tendency to Toe Walk can be further evidence of Uner Tan Syndrome and can assist in its early diagnosis.

The disease has lain dormant in human populations until recently, claims the SPLC, its return thought to be linked to poor diet and reduced activity along with a predeliction for pursuits that require little mental exertion, such as watching television or playing computer console games. It is believed to be passive in what is known as our junk DNA and becomes a pathogen through the extraordinary vector of contact with others exhibiting symptoms. The disease is posited to have a retrograde effect on its victims, causing more severe manifestations as time and exposure to others in a population continues.

Treatment is effectively a simple matter of exposure to others who have survived the disease as well as education, tolerance, a healthy diet and exercise. Travel has also been shown to have a positive effect, as has empathy for one’s fellow man.

Not Just Big Cities

 

Twisp, Washington is not a big city but it has a big heart. Despite cold temperatures  and a recent heavy snow the small town was host to a parade that wended its way through several streets, the town is only about six blocks long, before finishing at the local community center where speakers and artists reiterated thier commitment to a more compassionate and caring society. The town is in a county and region that was predominantly red in the recent election.

Adger Cowans – A Quote

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Do you have any regrets?

Not at all. If you did it, you did it, it’s over. Why regret it? I have a terrific life. I’m sitting here talking to you. I’m 80 years old. I don’t have a cane, I’m not on crutches, I’m not on meds. And I attribute all that to being connected to the inner voice in me. The inner spirit. It’s intuitive. It’s not anything that you can put your finger on, but when you feel it you know it. I’ve had enough bangs upside the head to know when my first thought was right. Because I doubted myself in the beginning. It took me until I was 50 to feel really comfortable with my voice and trust myself.

Adger Cowans has a new book out. Read his interview in The Daily Beast.

And Don’t Touch My Cheetos Dammit!

Enough is enough! I am still the lord and ruler of this place and will brook no transgressions

Read the list at end of article, he was prepared to defend the chocolate chip cookies too!

Preppers

Early Rushes

 

Turns out it wasn’t all that great living as a lizard. Sure, sure there were the hawks and coyotes but they just go along with the arrangement. You got your job, they got theirs. The coyotes were mostly nocturnal anyway and if you stayed still enough the hawks didn’t see you. No, it wasn’t the dangers or the climate that was at fault, anyone can put up with a little heat wave or cold spell. And food wasn’t the issue, the terrain was ideal, small rushes near a small waterhole, rocks for cover, plenty of fallen vegetation, wide sparsely grown flats, flies and bugs everywhere. The problem was the preppers.

There was just enough cover in the oasis to support five or seven families of them, depending on the tribal sentiments of the time. Continue reading Preppers

That Explains It, We’re All Sleepwalking

News from Stanford University researchers, real scientists mind you, not just people who thinks something is true because they saw it online, say that our brains are constantly shifting between states of wakefulness and sleep and not just while our bodies are at rest. Their study indicates that part of the brain’s organizational structure and functionality depends upon its many different regions having the ability to cycle on and off even while awake. Asleep, the brain goes through numerous stages of activity and rest, familiar to all of us, at times we dream, and other times not. But it turns out that the brain also requires temporary shutdowns even during the day in order to keep things moving along smoothly. The brain chooses its times to reboot based upon several factors, generally based upon need, and during while awake it never shuts down completely, (Same as asleep.), but selectively inhibits those regions that it feels are unneeded at the time. “Selective attention is similar to making small parts of your brain a little bit more awake,” says Tatiana Engel, and similarly, selective inattention disables functions on a regular basis.

Which explains a lot, like why  some folks come home from the big box store with more bars of soap than a homeless shelter could use in a century. (We love to pick on the poor, we were once poor and feel so much better than them now, or is that just our brain closing down empathy for a bit.) It also explains why teenagers ride skateboards down what everyone knows is a handrail and why some people jump out of perfectly good airplanes counting on a parachute packed by a stranger who may or may not have stayed up too late watching the full Itchy and Scratchy compendium from The Simpsons on Blu-Ray. Pay attention, costs nothing.

Scratch Yer Itch Jennifer

Jennifer Lawrence And Eye.

Jennifer Lawrence, fer the love o’ Pete can’t a girl scratch her itch? Baseball and football players do, and right out in public.  Why would the fairer sex need any less fulfillment? Big news is she, Jennifer L., famous unassuming actress, master archer and advocate for humane treatment of the defenseless polenta, is in hot water, meaning some Hawaiians want to toss her in a volcano, because she had an itch and scratched it on a rock. Not just any rock but a sacred rock. Now I’d be a holy rock too if Jennifer Lawrence….

Thing is if we keep calling out innocent celebrities for harmless fun, and hound them till they feel as persecuted as Willie Nelson or The Dixie Chicks then no one will want to be a celebrity and they will become scarce and we’ll have to resort to using the b and c list celebrities, like The Donald, for all sorts of things they were never intended to be used for. Leave the poor girl alone man. She didn’t mean anything by it.

Speaking about leaving things alone isn’t it about time we stopped consecrating everything in sight? We’re gonna run short of places we can befoul. Stop climbing on Ayers rock, leave Bears Ears alone, don’t be putting no pipeline here and don’t step there, it’s a grave. Good lord man, the whole world is sacred, and a grave, or will soon be.

Bless Our Poor Little Hearts

We’d All Like Some Cake

We are trying to do the right thing, that is most of us are, as in nine in ten of us are. There is one in every group… Truth is, we’re now a hoard and most of the problems we face are those of our outpaced growth. The hoard wants what the hoard wants which is what every good corporation or bad cancer wants, it wants. The one in ten follows the herd algorithmically.

Nine of us just want a happy day, or life as it turns out to be. All of us want to eat and care for our families but Uncle Fred could give a hoot Continue reading Bless Our Poor Little Hearts