Lindsay Lohan didn’t want to go to rehab so she’s hiding out at my house, Hate to rat her out but there’s money in it, her attorney‘s paying me $5000. so he can get his bail bond money back. She contacted me through a link at The Yellow Press Lindsay Lohan fan page, saw my profile about how I raised pygmy goats and liked to do cake decorating and so she figured my place in Sutank, CO was about the last place they’d ever look. And it had some other things she was looking for, fishing right out the back door, bright blue skies to sail kites in and plenty of dogs and cats that need scratchin’ and lovin’. Besides I need the money so I can put it into my tube buggy. She’s gonna come see me when she gets out so she can finish her helping me out with the repairs on the dovecote.
Cat litter sickens kids. Reeking of feline toxoplasmosis protozoa, ammonia, diaper rash and homeless person stank, a cat sculpture is luring small children into its inner sanctum where the soon find themselves overpowered by the potent, poisonous mix, fall into a swoon and languish.
The cat sculpture, a tile, stone and concrete work by late artist Niki St. Phalle, was erected in a courtyard near the Escondido Center for the Arts and has proven itself an attractive nuisance.
Feral cats are drawn to the large expanse of loose sand, children to the cute appearance of the sculpture and the homeless sleep there for the shelter from the rain it affords
Escondido, CA officials are looking into remedies for the problems; including an automatic pepper spray deterrent device for the cats and children and charging rent to the homeless who were found to utilize the pepper spray as an additional flavoring in their mouthwash beverages.
Menacing giant threatens reporter just trying to do his job. This reporter was investigating a story that a local muffler shop was installing cherry bomb mufflers, (illegal in California) when he was confronted by a huge, towering thug.
“Move along buster, nothing to see here.” Said the over-sized employee, brandishing a large custom muffler. We mentioned freedom of the press, the 18th amendment, the sidewalk surveillance statues ratified by the federal courts and he just stood there, thwacking the muffler against his palm glaring evilly all the while.
When it was obvious an “accidental” pummeling was imminent our reporter beat a hasty retreat, promising a return with attorneys, law officers, light infantry and remote operated drones, if needed, to get the story.
The company also installs custom resonator pipes on Harley-Davidson motorcycles that increase their characteristic rumble to a decibel destroying roar that will perforate an ungulates eardrum in Indonesia.
For many of the things we do in life, no particular goals are required. We all go to sleep when we’re tired and wake up when our alarms sound, or if we’re lucky enough, when our bodies have determined we’ve had enough rest. Most of us manage to keep the refrigerator and cupboards stocked with edible items, we manage to get to work on time, spend time with our family and friends, and take time to have some sort of “fun”, whatever that may mean to you. I can see that making time to read this blog post is proving to be fairly easy for you as well. For anything that is already going just fine, goal-setting may seem irrelevant or unnecessary.
But then there are the troublesome areas. Perhaps you have wrestled with over-eating, Continue reading DREAMS, LOFTY GOALS, A THING OF THE PAST?
How would you like a career in poo? Dr. Piers D Mitchell loves the stuff, can’t get enough of it, gets it in the mail. Work in the septic field? Nope. Municipal wastewater facility? No again. So what is he a Dr. of? Well, dung history’ Specifically he studies crap from the past. Working from labs at The University of Cambridge Mitchell has a keen interest in biological pathology, particularly parasite infestation of humans throughout our evolution. Turns out the field is rich and ripe for study and a lot more can be learned from the study of feces than the fact that ancient humans subsisted largely on a diet of Cornnuts, buffalo jerky and Ding-Dongs, (which yielded fecal matter with a strikingly long half-life). What Dr. Mitchell is looking for in the relic piles is not necessarily diet but what infestations humans had in the past, the evolutionary changes wrought by the little buggers and how to deal with the current creatures that co-inhabit the race today.
Among his enlightening discoveries:
- Early humans did not shave. Removal of facial hair was an important factor for purposes of self defense, (minimization of things to grab), convenience and appearance but, lacking razors, early mankind relied upon lesser members of the clan to gnaw excess body hair off.
- Lice have been with us since the dawn of time. Lice were encouraged in early times as a form of entertainment.
- Privacy was important. The contortions involved in ordinary bodily functions were considered vulgar even in early days, especially when a proper leaf supply was not available.
- Diets were wildly varied. While most prehistorical diets followed the feast/famine cycle common to indigenous peoples around the world some tribes dined rather regularly on their neighbors.
- Hygiene was important. Just as the left hand holds a particular significance in middle eastern countries, ancient peoples were hesitant to touch each others elbows.
- Rodentia were seldom eaten whole. Out of custom or habit the two signature incisors were usually removed prior to ingestion.
For more information on the study of evolutionary faecal matter and its impact on modern society, or simply to waste more of your precious time on the S.O.S. visit this website.
Wouldja look at that!
Carny hucksters used the big banana hustle to swindle another innocent vivtim out of his life savings.
Tossing ball after ball into a basket Neps Gilford felt fairly confident he could win the big one, a big banana the size of the Oscar-Meyer weinermobile.
That is until the heat was on and he had money in the game.
$876,425 that is, dropped over a period of four days at the Lingstrom county fair in Gawmeeps Ohio.
He kept getting so close, so close to winning the plush-covered styrofoam peanut filled prize that game after game he tried led him to drop more moola in the futile attempt.
Left with no life savings and a mortgage and property taxes he can ill afford Gilford is still upbeat, as anyone would be who had the naevete to do such a thing would be.
Escondido, CA – The deep rumble and roar of heavy V8s, the hot rod builders and body men, flame specialists and mechanics in their best blue jeans and white t-shirts. the delicate, tattooed assistants wearing bright orange halters, lemon yellow hot pants and sporting pink pumps that have never seen gravel, the sidewalk strollers with urchins covered in molten gelato that must be forever admonished about the incompatibility of their sticky mitts and the 24 clearcoat epidermis of the classic sleds, this is the way to spend a Friday eve, among the motoring rabble.
Starting in the spring, all summer and well into fall Escondido holds ‘Cruisin Grand’, an old school main drag procession of dressed up jitneys, flivvers, hoopties, low-riders, trailer queens, ranflas, gas-hogs, t-buckets, buggys and beaters putt up and down Grand Ave. on Friday afternoons. Parking is reserved for the beasts, svelte, souped up or sucky and people line the sidewalks snapping pics and asking about distribulators and five barbell carbonaters. Owners sit by in lawn chairs under gaudy umbrellas and answer as tactfully as they see fit, how many times can a motor-head expound upon the virtues of a silicone covered spark-plug wire. Sweet rides abound, everything from curvy Corvettes to muscly Mopars, full featured Fords and some models that were invented in a drunken stupor patrols the streets. This editors favorite is a model T truck that was intentionally built in as ramshackle a fashion as possible, it bops right along with a rotor made from a wooden stick and a pan-head screw, spark-plug leads of barbed wire, (Exposed!), and carbide lantern headlamps. Everything about the car looks to be scrounged from what’s left in the dump after the third-world scroungers are done, and it is a penultimate work of art in all its details and Rube Goldbergness.
Want to show? Or just want to know? Here’s a link.
Scott Balcher, a veterinarian with a practice in Hemet, CA wasn’t expecting much November 12th of 2011, it was a rainy day, his small animal clinic had few appointments and a couple of cancellations, so when a new client walked in with an injured dog he was able to devote time right away. His was a new practice, not many clients, and walk-ins were welcome. The dog, Scooter, that Carline Wilkins carried in was the victim of an auto accident, and though he looked like he was in bad shape Balcher quickly determined that the injuries essentially superficial and that with a few stitches Scooter would be on the road to recovery. So he patched the dog up, doing the best possible under the circumstances, the injuries would necessarily result in some permanent disfigurement, but aside from looking a little screwy Scooter would heal up fine. Little did he realize that a chain of events had begun that would change his practice, and his life, profoundly.
Carline, as it happened, was a volunteer at a San Diego animal shelter. Scooter was her own dog and she was very pleased with the results of Dr. Balchers work, so she went to the trouble of soliciting his services on behalf of the shelter she worked for, Scott was happy to help out on a quid Continue reading Cosmetic Surgery For Dogs