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by Karen Gugliano-Ching Most of us try to relate kindly to various types of people every day. It is sometimes difficult, but I think people have just quit trying to understand each other. It’s not the different races or ethnicities - it’s men and women. Males and females have different points of view, no matter what their religion or status is. In the past, I have snitched on my fellow species, and I guess I’m doing it again. The thoughts here are not for degradation, as this reason is the acronym in my title. Women, naively, still try to change things so natural as a man and his behavior. |
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We have all read about music therapy, beginning with the old cliche "Music soothes the savage beast". There are clinical reports and it has been proven that music can be therapeutic in physical therapy, in helping develop motor, cognitive and social skills, positive aid in some mental health issues, and even help children with autism. This instantly raises the question as to the type of music is involved in this therapy, as my choices are probably different than yours. There are as many various types of people as there are music or songs.
This is very important to me! Who has determined what music is played during these sessions? Who are the statisticians, clinical workers, doctors or PhDs that came up with this official list of music? What happens when they die? Is there someone else that has this list of music? Can we see this list anywhere? Does it change with the times, as music constantly changes? Will we have a choice when it is played, even if we are unconscious? Should we include this bit of information in our Last Will and Testament?
Everyone has their own opinion about what music is good or bad. We all have different taste, but I’m sure mental health patients’ music therapy would not consist of any NWA or 50 Cent. Don’t get me wrong - I love a lot of different types of music. However, if I was in a position to need music therapy, and they played hip hop or rap music, I think I’d have to bitch slap the therapist. I don’t think NWA or 50 Cent are on the "list".
In the movie "Mars Attacks" (by genius Tim Burton), Slim Whitman’s music is played loudly, and explodes the heads of the mean ass aliens invading Earth. I think we can all relate to this, and that’s why it was so funny. Though I’m sure he has a fan base, Slim is probably not on the "list".
Then there was the violent and punk, real life version of Romeo and Juliet, Sid Vicious and his girlfriend, Nancy. Because of his name, addiction, being a murderer and lyrics in most Sex Pistols songs, I don’t think Sid made the "list" either.
Weird Al Yankovic, The Cowsills, William Shatner (singing voice), Tiny Tim on his ukulele, and probably Bobby Goldsboro - none of these made the list, but this is just my opinion.
Then there’s just the random songs that come up that are not on the list either, no matter who wrote them or sang them. Chuck Berry’s "My Ding-A-Ling" would probably not be good for a child developing his motor skills. Harry Chapin’s "20,000 Pounds of Bananas" makes me a little nervous, and would not soothe anyone. Jim Croce’s "You Don’t Mess Around With Jim" includes a stabbing at the end of the song - not a good choice of therapy for a brutal, gang banging thug, trying to rehab his ways.
Then there’s the list of childhood songs that creep back into your brain, and you can’t shake them for days, sometimes weeks. Listening to these little tunes over and over would make anyone crazy. "Shoo Fly, Don’t Bother Me", "I’ve Been Working On The Railroad", "100 Bottles of Beer On The Wall", "Oh Suzanna". Now that your mind has subconsciously chosen one of these ditties, don’t blame me when you go mad because you can’t shake it. That is my point!
It’s bad enough that a gazillion mothers in this country are either tone deaf or have lovingly told their children over and over, they have a wonderful singing voice. All of these misguided youths converge to the American Idol tryouts. We laugh hysterically at them, as they just don’t see that they are that horribly bad. "Mamma wouldn’t have lied to me. I’m good and I’ll be back!"
Of course, there are musical instruments that could make you slightly psychopathic. A kazoo or constant clicking of zills would derange even a normal mind. Not just for a few minutes, but a three hour therapy session would be merciless.
This is really frightening for me! Life’s too short for bad music, especially if we are repairing, rehabilitating or recuperating. Just in case something happens to me, I’m leaving my iPod on, with my selections, and ear buds in. If I’m in a coma, please tell them not to remove it, and get RT to charge it up for me every few days. No one should take it away until there is no pulse. |
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 Reporter, Fred Farkle - Escondido, CA ... Authorities are on the lookout for three young women who held up a local Wells Fargo bank during daylight hours. The two pictured here and a third, uncostumed accessory carried no weapons and managed to disarm the bank employees with thier charming wit and personality made off with a large haul of cash, making thier getaway on a skateboard and two pogo sticks. prior to the release of this photo, which was taken hours after the heist, no descriptions of the trio existed as witnesses concentrated more on the outfits worn than the actual characteristics of the women, although all the people present during the robbery remembered them as "quite lovely".
Barnard Money, the banks manager explained that all his staff had previously been trained to provide a description of any suspicious persons but that the best information they could offer the police was that one wore fishnet stockings and wielded a mean feather duster and the other was very fetching and as beautiful as any blushing bride they'd ever seen, the third member was remembered only as a blur on the skateboard, where she was partially concealed by the bags of cash. Escondido police warned citizens not to attemt to capture these desperate individuals as they appeared dangerous and capable of costume changes at a moments notice. |
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Reporter -- LUIZ BRAVIM Hall of Fame pitcher Roger Clemens testified in the Congress that he has in fact used a performance-enhancing drug, though none banned by Major League Baseball. "My wife was complaining to one of the other guy's wives that our situation in the bedroom wasn't too hot. My doctor suggested Viagra." The entire cadre of press and fans were taken aback by the historic admission in Washington. When asked about possible Steriods use, Clemens vehemently denied the testimony of former teammates. Clemens told Rep. Harry Waxman "The side effects of mixing Steriods, growth hormone and Viagra are extreme. I am not looking to pay child support to half the women in the country, not to mention Canada." Sen. Clinton vowed to respond by submitting legislation banning Viagra's use in professional sports. |
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 Reporter -- LUIZ BRAVIM ... Nearly five centuries after Martin Luther posted his 95 Theses, protestant groups across the U.S. have decided to call it quits. Following the Easter holiday, the leaders of Baptists, Methodists, Lutherans and several other major protestant denominations realized they could never match the Catholic Church in terms of wealth, theology or numbers. Pope Benedict welcomed the return of Protestants to the Church, saying "it would be a true blessing if during this celebration of the Lord's resurrection the universal Church became universal once again." Not every aspect of Roman Catholic worship is being embraced by former
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Earlier today the Canadian government celebrated the successful construction of a chain link fence along the Canadian/United States border. The fence was errected in an effort to quell illegal immigration from the United States into Canada. "This marks a glorious day, eh? We no longer have to worry aboot them lazy Americans coming up here, taking our jobs and our drugs, and taking money out of the pockets of real Canadians," said Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper. "For too long these people have been up here, taking advantage of our healh care. They are all criminals, who have no regard for our culture, eh? Perhaps now I'll no longer have to press 1 for French." Harper ended his speech by starting a chainsaw, and cutting open a can of Molson. The new fence will hopefully end the crippling immigration problem that has plagued Canada since its creation. In years past, concerned citizens have taken it upon themselves to patrol the border. These citizens, calling themselves the Patriot Patrol, would deter illegal immigrants from entering Canada by pointing guns at them, and threatening violence. When asked about the patrol, and the fence, the Patriots had this to say, "We're just doing our patriotic duty. These people are here to take our jobs. They're all criminals and terrorists, and they have no regard for our culture. So it's our job to make sure they do not enter our beloved country. I think the wall is a great step towards progress." As of now there has been no responce from the United States as to whether or not they have taken offense to the fence. |
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 Reporter - Fred Farkle ... It’s been said a thousand times, and now it’s time to act. Teachers today are just babysitters for their students. Hamstrung by the “No Child Left Behind” act, ineffectual school districts that are more like petty bureaucracies and their inability to administer corporal punishment, teachers have been reduced to little more than babysitters. It’s time to treat them that way. Teachers' hefty salaries are driving up taxes, and they only work 9 or 10 months a year!
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