The 2016 presidential race is underway and it’s about to get ugly. Iowa, where every candidate worth his bribes begins the contest has seen its first wave of worthy, and not so much so, adversaries launch their hats into the ring. One fresh face, or not so much so, is independent Ugg Rustic, a paleogrunt who would like to see things go back to much simpler times, when it was every ape for himself, a stout club was a much needed part of a clods portmanteau, not just a fashion accessory and a fellow could lean on his own eight knuckles.
Ugg Rustic, of parts unknown but most definitely an American citizen, advocates for a healthy slab of raw mastodon meat daily, the dragging of women about by their longhairs, the silence of children and lesser peoples, suspension of rules, regulations and cooperation in any way, shape or form and the establishment of strong campfires and stone tools. He indicates it is important to fight back the intrusion of traveling clans in order to maintain the integrity of the tribe and if given the proper authority will protect the cave against all enemies both foreign and domestic. He suggests that if elected he will build up a strong arsenal of many sized stones and some sticks and limbs of varied sizes for the purposes of defense. To remain ever vigilant he will require the youth of the group to scale the areas tallest trees and rocky outcrops and monitor the comings and goings of all manner of beasts, of those not of his own.
While unaffiliated he has professed a strong admiration for a self proclaimed mother grizzly and would throw in with her camp if she could keep quiet enough and not throw the others into a dither.
As the battle continues between Martin Luther King’s children and wife over his assets, (you can’t use the phrase “I have a dream.” without paying one of them.), one has to wonder how well we really knew the man. In the public’s eyes he is seen as a reverend who advocated for the advancement of the disenfranchised, the poor, the forgotten, the oppressed and the members of his race who had been left out of the prosperity and advances many of us take for granted. He is viewed as humble, intelligent, caring and as a man willing to put himself in the line of fire for the things he believed in. Given that perception of the man how is it that his heirs are so litigious, squabbling and bitter over money, and forsaking of his ideals? Perhaps we should take a closer look at this only human, and flawed man. Here are five things few people know about him.
- He was a heavy smoker. King was a four pack a day man. Even considering the norms of the time, four packs a day is a lot of spliffs. Someone this reporter knows smokes a pack a day and the walls of their house, when washed, leave a white rag brown. Imagine what eighty sticks a day makes a mans lungs look like.
- He was fond of Payday candy bars. The man from the south had a sweet tooth for the peanut coated nougat. He always traveled with a few of the candy bars in his suitcase.
- He collected souvenir spoons. He was proud of his collection, often receiving them from dignitaries from the places he visited. He regretted not having completed his collection from the fifty states, never having visited Alaska.
- He was quite the ladies man. Although his improprieties have been often mentioned, few but his inner circle knew the full scope of his interest in the fairer sex. He was trying to surpass JFK’s record of conquests and considered Wilt Chamberlain a role model.
- He had an explosive temper. He became infuriated at flat hotel pillows and was known to fly into a rage, pounding them with his fists and beating them against the walls in an effort to fluff them up.
‘One Question’ is a series of short interviews by Maureen Bachaus in which people from different backgrounds and cultures respond to the same question. In this case: what is your most important life lesson? Say you could carry a life lesson to a totally new and blank world, what would it be?
“Well my name is Luc, and I kind of trade in old stuff… I collect old stuff and scrap iron, that is how I make a living.
You see, If you want to achieve something, then you should just work for it. And you should do what you love to do. And… well, you see… The things I do… I have loved to do them all my life. And the longer I work among people, the stronger I feel about that.
And my father always said to my mother: “Mom, the moment Luc doesn’t have any money, the sea will have no water.” … Hahaha, the sea has never been without water…
He was always like that, you know. Well because I have a lot of guts, I just do it…
You see, if you don’t do anything you will have nothing I say, it’s as simple as that. And I don’t steal stuff, I just call out through the microphone of my truck what I need, people come out of their houses themselves, some of them throw the stuff into my truck themselves, so what else do you need… you know?” •
Luc works successfully as a scrap iron dealer and an inventory seller. He is uneducated and never learned how to read or write. He has two sons and lives alternately in Belgium and in his second house in Thailand.
The Supreme Court of the US will soon decide on whether persons attracted to the same sex can legally wed. Well that’s a good one, what gives them the right to be supreme in the first place? Long lauded as a rational body of intelligent, reasonable jurists capable of making important distinctions in the laws of the most powerful nation in the world, one has to wonder about the wisdom of a governing body that arrives at the conclusion that A: a corporation is a person; B: said corporation has a conscience; and C: Corporations can do as they please. (Damn corporations anyway. They are not persons, they are entities allowed to do business under permission of the populace and if they truly were persons we should revoke their charters and send a few to the electric chair for the crimes they commit.) But research indicates that the Supreme Court has historically arrived at generally rational decisions and so we should give them the benefit of a doubt.
Specifically the court will decide on whether the marriage contract can be valid for individuals of the same sex. Omit the arguments that may extend the contract of marriage to man and beast, cats and dogs, aficionado and automobile, corporation and politician or between the devil and whoever, and the argument boils down to the basics of contractual law. There are five basic components of a valid, binding contract.
- A contract is valid only under certain conditions. Persons must be in their right minds when arriving at the agreement. They can’t be drunk, drugged, half-witted, under duress or having recently licked a toad. Again, persons must be in their right minds when arriving at the agreement, love by itself, let alone all those previously mentioned conditions nullifies almost every marriage ever entered into.
- There must be a definite, clearly stated offer to do something. Love, honor, obey, well take your pick. And wait, there’s more! To have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part. Man, with all those mitigating factors somethings just bound to go awry before the death part.
- Only what is offered can be accepted. This means that the offer must be accepted exactly as offered without conditions. If any new terms are suggested this is regarded as a counter offer which can be accepted or rejected. Ever heard that communication is only about half efficient? In every verbal contract someone is hearing something differently than the other.
- A contract requires that the parties enter into a legally binding agreement. That is, the parties entering into the contract must understand that the agreement can be enforced by law. Hello, 911? My spouse is not living up to the better or worse part of our contract.
- And there has to be some form of consideration, not the kind where one puts the newspaper down and listens to the other over the breakfast table. The law defines consideration as a payment, or something of value. (Whatever did happen to the dowry, and why was it only women were paying off the men?)
Regardless of the individual feelings on the matter we wish the Supreme Court the best of luck in deciding the matter, it’s well beyond our intellect.
Got a yen to own the latest technological breakthrough device? Google is offering it’s new ARA phone free to anyone with the chops to help make it the world’s hottest cellphone when the device goes mainstream. Essentially a module based, cloud connected personal communication device, the phone is destined to become more than just a way to play Angry Birds and IM your bff. The phone, about the size of the Samsung Note, can be configured to its users preference through the personalizing of eight different different module slots on the back of the phone. Talk a lot? Install an extra battery. Audiophile? Use one of the slots for a bleeding edge MP3 player. Photo buff? Put in a ultra HD camera. Need military grade GPS? Check. Are you a physician that needs to record arrhythmia and compare them against a database of the patients past history? How about a carpet installer that could use a laser tape measure to create bids for clients? The uses for the Google ARA are intentionally designed to be endless and infinitely variable. And that’s where Google could use the public’s’ help.
Rolling out the device in Puerto Rico early this year will help the company work out the bugs in it’s beta model but it is looking for additional help from the public in developing the modules that make the device unique. Essentially unlimited in it’s flexibility, the device can be easily tailored to accept modules that perform any function currently performed short of those by a Waring blender. Modules for infrared temperature measurement could assist HVAC technicians and may have uses in other fields. Google is looking for persons in a wide variety of fields to use the device as a testbed for some currently produced modules suggest ways in which the modules could better suit the needs of consumers. Google is also seeking artists, designers and inventors to test the ARA phone and suggest ways in which its features could be improved or made more user versatile. If you are interested in being one of the first to own this revolutionary device, follow this link and click on the requisite category to receive your free Google ARA phone. (Note: You will be required to provide some personal information and must meet some basic criteria to obtain the free device and modules appropriate to your needs.)
All in all, if you don’t mind being a guinea pig for a big corporation like Google, it’s a great way to become an early adapter and get a free Google ARA phone.
Enough of the squeamish puritanical nature of the mainstream press! We aren’t afraid to print a topless picture or two, just check out the rest of this article. Poo poo to the notion that the human body is vulgar and should be covered up to protect innocent eyes. There ain’t hardly a pair of eyes in the world that hasn’t seen a pair, or a unit, or a thing or a whatnot. The recent scandals about celebrities baring their attributes making the news rounds are merely tempests in teapots. Everyone has got the same stuff, more or less. Ask a doctor, or let’s play doctor and find out. So there are pictures of Chelsea Handler topless, and Jennifer Lawrence topless, and Nicole Kidman topless and Kate Upton topless and even that boundary butting beauty Miley Cyrus topless. So what, big deal, well a couple are. It’s about time women had the same freedoms men have had for eons, to strut about unencumbered and bound up and strapped in and such. Ask any reasonable fellow to wear a mannsiere on a how summer day and see how that goes over. Only about a hundred years ago did women get the vote. In some countries, (which shall remain nameless but they include a nation that begins with the letters U. and S.), women are still treated in as inferiors, are not equally paid for equal work, must put their hair in order before seen in public and are treated more like objects that people.
Given enough exposure it isn’t long before we see past the nonsense of trappings and the naked body becomes less an object of lust and more a matter of fact. Having worked in a couple of fields where I was privy to observe the body in all it’s stages of age and dress and undress I can state this as truth. Don’t believe this writer? Ask a doctor, or let’s play doctor and find out. Still, conventions and mores rule so we have published our topless photos after the fold, just click to keep reading and see if you don’t soon become accustomed to the ordinariness of these topless celebrities. Continue reading Topless Photos! Nicole, Kate, Chelsea, Jennifer and Miley, Oh My!
Well, someone’s gotta pay. After 25 years of, well who really knows what goes on behind closed doors, billionaire Harold Hamm and attorney wife Sue Ann Arnall are trying to divide the spoils of their $8 billion fortune equitably. Hamm, in a moment of delirium, wrote a check for about $1 billion to settle. Anall, in a moment of delirium refused the about $1 billion to settle. (Us poor folks are right about now thinking either, heck she should settle for a cheeseburger and fries and be done with it, or, take the about $1 billlllllion and get some Manolo Blahniks, or, in a moment of equanimity, maybe she helped amass the pile and thus deserves half.) But us poor folks don’t really think straight. About $1 bazillion smackers seems like a lot to turn down no matter the circumstances and that’s why the thing is making the news rounds.
They made their pile in the oil biz, that dirty extraction industry that ruins and pollutes the land and seascape so we can drive monster-mobiles roughshod over the land and seascapes and mow and weed the yard in a genteel fashion rather than with sickle and hoe. Investing heavily in the industry located where the Bakken deposit lay, they both became well off. She still has her looks, and brains, apparently, and he, well men are like jeeps. to quote Elaine, a character from the Seinfeld show. This should make for good tabloid fodder but this editor hopes it plays out fast and amicably, after all, who among us would wish to have all our peccadilloes aired publicly, or worse yet, that and see a nasty little scrum where the lawyers get it all?
It’s old news to anyone who thinks about it for a minute, but scientists have now confirmed that women are naturally happy. And why wouldn’t they be? Lookit at em. I’d be happy too if I was a woman, well probably not, don’t want anyone to get the wrong idea. But seriously, why wouldn’t they be? Born in numbers less than the opposite sex of the species, with time they become the majority in just a few years. Generally smaller and weaker bodily than their male counterparts they still manage to overrule men in almost every decision, training them through the most effective means, heck there are even males that put the lid down. Men are brutes, women beauties. Artists draw men with crude angular strokes, women with smooth curves. Women are the fairer sex. Men are made from remnant snips and snails and puppy dog tails. I’d be immediately happier if I had fewer snips and snails in my genetic makeup.
And there’s the rub, the science shows that the genetic makeup of woman makes her biologically happier. How can anyone compete with that? More science shows that our basic blueprint hardwires us for different lives. Of hunters and gatherers who wouldn’t rather traipse among the daisies plucking a few ripe apples than scuttling under the belly of a ticked off woolly mammoth and trying to stick him with a little wooden spear while he attempts to trample you with his big large mammoth feet or gore you with ten foot long tusks. Of course women are happy, they drive great big shiny trucks and don’t have to put anything in them but a few grocery bags. A man that drives a truck has to help move furniture for all his friends, haul loads of roadbase that then must be moved by shovel and wheelbarrow to the jobsite and then placed scrupulously where the woman wants her garden path. The tragedy is that it took some scientist to tell us what we knew all along.
Ponder the lunacy of the crap bag. If one looks at modern society through an unfiltered lens it isn’t too far fetched a conclusion to believe that the human race is just plain dumb. We willingly place drug addicts like Marion Barry and Rob Ford in positions of power, or worse, elect outright criminals and the intellectually impaired, like ex Virginia governor Bob McDonnell, or this guy, who would like to be president. We claim we value lawful behavior and run stop signs, speed, steal from the companies or clients we work for and, in general, do what is convenient or our consciences will allow. We eat food that will give us heartburn. We smoke, we drink to excess, we make death defying Youtube videos of jumping over and under and into ridiculous circumstances that are only funny because it isn’t our own yarbels that are on the line. But for a sublime example of what fools we mortals be, consider the common crap bag.
Most people don’t really need a pet. Origionally tools for protection or used in hunting, it wasn’t long before the weak minded among us began to adopt the canids as the only friends that truly understood us and would stick with us through thick and thin. (Yea, see how much that Basenji respects you when you die in your a rent-paid-automatically apartment and he can’t use a can opener.) They stick by us because we’ve hyper bred them to be docile, some are even amicable to cats, and we feed them. Now we may be dumb but we did figure out that an end result of feeding was that stuff found its way down the alimentary canal and was ejected in a less that olfactory, satisfactory condition. Soon it was everywhere, smeared by shoes on the sidewalk and carried by the soles of our feet into the finest dining establishments, ground into woolen carpets, left to molder in backyards so one’s neighbors could enjoy the heady fragrance. So were dog walks initiated. The parks and hiking trails became the parvenu of the tail waggers and it wasn’t long before some perfect example invented the crap bag. Odious as it it to grasp that warm bodily ejecta, even with the thin polyethylene barrier to protect one, even more objectionable is the practice of bagging it up and leaving it trailside for others to view, like some brightly packaged gift. We all know these pet parents, in days not long past just plain SOB’s, intend to retrieve the crap bag on the return trip, but what is the actual percentage of those who do? After all who in their right mind wants to tote around a bag of crap?
On the one hand it seems far more logical to just let the biscuits fall where they may and allow nature to take its course. Some of us watch where we put our feet, although the term minefield can have more than one meaning. Nature does a fair job of fixing some of the problems we humans leave behind, and it is understood that the problem is largely one of quantity, nature just can’t keep up with the numbers. But to hermetically seal the detritus in a plastic bag where it will likely remain potent for eons, well, that logic eludes me.